How can I control my life when I can't even control my hair

I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was blaming you.

I don't have to be a great cook. I'm a trophy wife

I hate it when healthy me does the grocery shopping because now chubby me needs a snack

I love how we don't have to say out loud that I'm your favorite child (boy)

I love how we don't have to say out loud that I'm your favorite child (girl)

I love people who walk around having no idea how wonderful they are and just make the world a better place

I see no good reason to act my age - Happy Birthday

I thought about being nice today...and it's the thought that counts

I wanted a puppy. My husband didn't want a puppy. So we compromised and got a puppy.

I'll get over it, I just have to be dramatic first

I'm not bossy. I just have leadership skills.

I'm perfect. You adjust.

If ever you see me and I'm upset just know that nothing is really wrong. I'm a spoiled brat and I probably just didn't get my way

If my mouth doesn't say it, my face definitely will

If you've ever given birth to a boy then you have, indeed, grown a pair

Is it just me or have you had a lot of birthdays?

It's not what we have in life, but who we have in life that matters

Know the rules well so you can break them effectively

Life is short, smile while you still have teeth - Happy Birthday

Love starts with a wet nose and ends with a tail

Marriage: An endless sleepover with your best friend - Congratulations!

May you live to be so old that your driving terrifies people - Happy Birthday