Women are angels. When someone breaks our wings we simply continue to fly...on a broomstick. We're flexible like that.

Turns out I'm not an afternoon person either

Today I'm letting my inner diva out...y'all better stand back

Sorry, I can't hear you over the volume of my hair

Some days you feel skinny, but some days you feel like a busted can of biscuits

She meant to behave, but there were so many other options

Oh, honey, I don't take orders...I barely take suggestions

Never underestimate the power of a hissy fit

My whole life consists of wondering whether or not to make the bitchy comment

Know the rules well so you can break them effectively

If my mouth doesn't say it, my face definitely will

If ever you see me and I'm upset just know that nothing is really wrong. I'm a spoiled brat and I probably just didn't get my way

I'm perfect. You adjust.

I'm not bossy. I just have leadership skills.

I'll get over it, I just have to be dramatic first

I thought about being nice today...and it's the thought that counts

I hate it when healthy me does the grocery shopping because now chubby me needs a snack

I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was blaming you.

Even I don't believe myself when I say I'll be ready in five minutes

Hear me out...a party bus, but it stops at thrift stores and outlet malls